The Villain and His Girlfriend
by Insanity with Cheese
Summary: Freaking hilarious.


He shut himself in the closet, shivering with fear. He cringed from the light, hoping that the monster wouldn't see him. One sneeze and BOOM! he would be dead. He narrowly escaped the monster's clutches, and that didn't turn out too well for him...  
He stopped breathing as the demon came in.  
"Ho God...don't let her find me!"

A girl with blond ponytails skipped in the room, wearing her usual jester outfit. With a heavy New York accent, she hummed, "Do yous guys know wheres Mista J is?"  
Poison Ivy was lying on the couch, reading a People magazine.  
"The Joker? I think he's fixing his engine or something."  
Harley skipped out of the main lair for Gotham's villains, humming Taylor Swift songs as she went out.  
"She's gone." Poison Ivy muttered, not turning to the place where The Joker was hiding.  
Mista J tentatively stepped out of the closet, almost waiting for Harley to come out to attack him. "You can't live like this forever, Joker."  
"I know...but...believe me, you haven't been in a love-hate relationship before."  
"Whaddya mean by 'love-hate' relationship?"  
"She loves me, I hate her."

Poison Ivy closed her magazine and sat up, her curly, blood-red hair bobbing up. She muttered, "LOVES you? She has your tonsils in a jar..."  
"What was that?"  
"Nothing..."

The Joker sat down next to his friend, brushing off some dust off his purple jacket and ruffled his green hair back to the way he liked it.  
"And it's not like I can break-up with her either..."  
Poison Ivy laughed, something she rarely did. "Yeah...I remember that..."

One month earlier:  
Poison Ivy was trying to remove Batman's blood stains off her favorite jumper, as green as coconut palm leaves. She was humming a Lady GaGa song as she worked when...  
A horrible scream came out from the entrance of Gotham's Villain Lair, a man's scream. The Joker burst in through where Ivy was sitting, following him was an angry blond girl, holding a knife.  
"I'LL KILL YA, YA BASTARD!"  
The Joker backed away from his girlfriend, his hands held up high.  
"See? This is what I'm trying to say...you're too...possessive of me...I'm feeling smothered-"  
Harley swung her knife, nearly striking the Clown of Chaos.  
"I'm just-"  
WHOOSH!  
"-saying that-"  
WHOOSH!  
"-we need a-"  
WHOOSH!  
"-a break-"  
WHOOSH!  
"-FOR A WHILE, OKAY?"  
WHOOSH!  
"MY GOD, DO YOU EVEN CARE?"  
WHOOSH!

Ivy just stared at the fight, the kind of stare you would if you saw a man with purple skin.  
Before her friends could say anything, she quickly stammered, "I'm not involved. Just a bystander. Not doing this..."

After about ten minutes of Harley trying to kill her puddin', she threw down the knife and was furious at him for about, three minutes.  
The Joker didn't understand a lot of things. Women and relationships was one of them.

Harley skipped through the door. "You were wrong, Ivy. He wasn't there-" but stopped dead when she saw him.  
"MISTA J!" Harley pounced on The Joker, much to his dislike.  
"Come on, puddin'! Let's take a romantic walk while it's dark out! Maybe we be caught in the Asylum together!"

The Joker shrugged. The Asylum was SO boring, he wouldn't care for anyone's company, even if that 'company' was Harley Quinn.  
But, these 'walks' were usually more of just skipping through flowers.  
Even though The Joker told Harley a million times,  
One: The Joker does NOT skip!  
Two: The Joker especially does NOT skip through flowers!  
Three: What kind of idiot's gonna skip in flowers in the middle of the night?

Harley wouldn't listen.  
She broke all the bones in The Joker's hand, pulling him up and running through the doors.  
The Joker quickly flashed a look at Poison Ivy, mouthing, "HELP!"  
Ivy shook her head, smiling at the peculiar couple.  
The Joker flipped the bird at Ivy, only for her to get back to her People magazine.

Meanwhile...

Anthony could see him...why the crap was The Joker standing next to a bunch of flowers in the park in the middle of the night?


End file.
